So at the end of February I was given my walkin' papers by, hmm, wonder if I am allowed to mention that multi billion dollar corporation's name ....the one that owns the one I was employed by back in January 2001.... now that I no longer am employed by them...?(still shake in my boots over that kinda stuff, which is RIDICULOUS)
I was literally shaking all over that night. It was a blow. Yea, it was a part time job, but hell I worked there for 11 years! I spent a huge portion of the last decade at that place. I did not realize how much it meant to me, how much it defined who I was, or at least what I was doing.
Alas, it happened. I was layed off. U N E M P L O Y E D. I was a part of a downsize. 40-50 of us were let go that day and evening. We were all going to increase the 9% unemployment rate in our state of PA at the time.
With an anxiety filled core, I stammered. I walked out to my car in the cool rain on literally shaking legs. I sat in my car, in the parking lot, cried, took a blurry picture of the damn place, sent a text to the husband letting him know I was a jobless wreck, set my ipod to a specific song and I drove home listening to it. (below)
I applied for Unemployment immediately. Also, I drank a beer. I worried, and, of course, I turned to facebook to spew my woe into the universe. Where else do we turn for forty comments of positive reinforcement and digital ((hugs)) when we are feeling the funk of what life throws us? Thank goodness for that. That same night a good friend, former co-worker and classmate whom I reconnected with on facebook through my crafty biz alerted me of a position that was exactly positively a dream job for me. I updated and sent my resume the next day. LITERALLY. I was not playing around.
Fast forward through my interview, awaiting my clearances, numerous anxiety filled days and irritating hold times with the unemployment office....BOOOOring....
I am a now a Learning Support Aide at an elementary school. I have worked at this new job for 3 weeks. It's going so well. I work more hours now, but I am home in the evenings with my family. I honestly crash at 8:30pm many weeknights now. NO clue how you full time Moms do it. seriously.
Here's what I love about this job, NOT working for a corporation has an entirely different feel to it. It feels positive, it feels well oiled. It feels calm even in it's stressful moments. I can rest assured that we are all there for the same greater good. More importantly, to me, that good has ZERO to do with profit margins. I don't feel like a number. Let me tell you, that feels really good. I won't lie, I don't make as much money at this job, but how I feel about what I am doing is so much more valuable. Immensely more rewarding. In the long run even if budget cuts would eliminate what I do, It would be less of a shaky walk to my car knowing that the time I spent there was filled with growth that I would never have seen or felt being a number.
You know what else I've noticed? I am becoming a better Mom. I am yelling less. I am less irritable. I feel more patient. I am more focused. I am more driven.
I know I can't wait for this drive to get me to a place where I seek higher education. I need to do it. I know this, but, I still feel scared. Scared of the cost. It feels like a gamble to go to college at my age. I mean, some of my peers are starting to PAY to send their children to college! I just worry about putting that financial burden on my family. Does anyone else struggle with this? It seems ironic that lack of profit margins in my career are making me so fulfilled, yet I am afraid of the financial burden if I go to school to educate myself to make a full time career out of this new job I like.
Oh universe, I know I shouldn't ask this of you, but would you mind kicking my butt in the exactly right direction just one more little time? pretty please?